Experiencing betrayal is like being stabbed in the back, leaving fear and anger to consume your soul. Maybe it was a deliberate and malicious act, delivered with bitter animosity. You might wonder if you were foolish and naïve for not seeing it coming. Perhaps you were, but it happened suddenly and without warning from someone you never suspected could be motivated or capable of such treachery. Initially, you may search for answers and try to understand, but soon, those thoughts are replaced by a deep desire for vengeance and retaliation.

Forgive? What!? No way! You want him to pay. You want him to suffer. You want to wallow in your bitterness and animosity. You want to stay trapped in that moment, consumed by the heat of emotion, obsessing over this forever. You do not want to move on; you want the pain and hatred to blossom. You want to be dominated by rage and emotion. You do not want peace or relief; You want vengeance.

Here is the unrighteousness of humanity writ large. Do all Christians feel this way? They sure do; we all do. The idea of retribution feels much better to the natural man than the idea of forgiveness. Forgiveness feels like letting the offender off the hook, giving him victory and validation of our weakness or cowardice; besides, we want blood. However, holding onto an unforgiving heart is akin to murdering the eyes of God. ^{1 John 3:15} It is sad proof that every man is fundamentally unrighteous, falling short of God’s standard.

God tells us to forgive our enemies, just as He has forgiven us. ^{Ephesians 4:32} He tells us that we are to love our enemies and not hate anyone. ^{Matthew 5:43-44} Forgiveness is an act of humility, and seeking vengeance is an act of pride, and we know that God abhors the proud and exalts the humble. ^{Matthew 23:12} 

To be unforgiving is to live outside the will of God, and for the Christian, this brings chastening, the sickness of a guilty conscience, and the forfeiture of blessings. We are to forgive, kill our enemies with kindness, and leave vengeance to the righteous hand of God.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. ^{Romans 12:19-21}

But how can we forgive when the lust for retribution burns so hot? Like many divine qualities, forgiveness is contrary to our human instincts and is truly a gift from God. If you find yourself reeling, take a step back – don’t act or speak, and allow time to pass. Sit quietly in your emotional discomfort and pray. Pray for God to calm you down, to change your heart, and to give you peace. Pray that the perpetrator repents, for strength during this challenging time, and for the ability to glorify God through your love, even for those who have harmed you. God hears and responds to the sincere prayers of his children; he will comfort you and provide the strength to forgive.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; ^{Matthew 5:43-44}

Forgiving those who have hurt you is one of the most Christ-like qualities a person can possess. Those who overcome their pride become more like Jesus, our perfect example of how we should strive to be.

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: ^{1st Peter 2:21-23}

To forgive is to live within the will of God, and such obedience restores our joy. Anger, animosity, hatred, and the desire to cause suffering – tools used by our adversary, Satan – are extinguished through forgiveness. Additionally, in the scripture below, it is clear that forgiveness is not a suggestion.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ^{Matthew 6:15}