Experiencing betrayal is like being stabbed in the back, leaving fear and anger to consume your soul. Maybe it was a deliberate, malicious act, delivered with bitter animosity. You might wonder whether you were foolish and naive for not seeing it coming. Perhaps you were, but it happened suddenly and without warning, from someone you never suspected could be capable of such treachery. At first, you search for answers and try to understand, but very soon those thoughts are replaced by a deep desire for vengeance and retaliation.

Forgive? No way! You want him to pay. You want him to suffer. You want to wallow in your bitterness and anger. You want to stay trapped in that moment, consumed by emotion, obsessing over it forever. You don’t want to move on; you want pain and hatred to grow. You want to be ruled by rage and emotion. You don’t seek peace or relief; you want revenge.

Here is humanity’s unrighteousness writ large. Do all Christians feel this way? They certainly do; we all do. The idea of retribution appeals more to the natural man than the idea of forgiveness. Forgiveness can seem like letting the offender off the hook, giving him victory, and validating our weakness or cowardice; besides, we want blood. However, holding an unforgiving heart is akin to committing murder in God’s eyes. ^{1 John 3:15} It is sad proof that every man is fundamentally unrighteous, falling short of God’s standard.

God tells us to forgive our enemies, just as he has forgiven us. ^{Ephesians 4:32:} He tells us to love our enemies and not tohate anyone. ^{Matthew 5:43-44} Forgiveness is an act of humility, while seeking vengeance is an act of pride, and we know that God abhors the proud and exalts the humble. ^{Matthew 23:12} 

To be unforgiving is to live outside God’s will, and for the Christian, this brings chastening, the sickness of a guilty conscience, and the loss of blessings. We are called to forgive, to kill our enemies with kindness, and to leave vengeance to God’s righteous judgment.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. ^{Romans 12:19-21}

But how can we forgive when the lust for revenge burns so hot? Like many divine virtues, forgiveness runs counter to our human instincts and is truly a gift from God. If you find yourself reeling, take a step back – don’t act or speak. Give your emotions time to settle. Sit quietly in your discomfort and pray. Pray for God to calm you, transform your heart, and grant you peace. Pray that the one who harmed you repents, for strength during this difficult time, and for the ability to glorify God through your love, even for those who have hurt you. God hears and responds to the sincere prayers of his children; he will comfort you and give you the strength to forgive.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; ^{Matthew 5:43-44}

Forgiving those who have hurt you is one of the most Christ-like qualities a person can have. Those who conquer their pride become more like Jesus, our perfect example of how we should strive to live.

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: ^{1st Peter 2:21-23}

To forgive is to live according to God’s will, and this obedience restores our joy. Anger, hostility, hatred, and the desire to inflict suffering – tools our adversary, Satan, uses – are extinguished through forgiveness. Additionally, as the scripture below clearly shows, forgiving is not a suggestion.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. ^{Matthew 6:15}